I've been spending a lot of time this past year- prolly too much time- in MBTI online forums; all in desperate attempt to understand why I can't just go to nursing school and accept a vapid existence as being worthwhile like the rest of humanity seems to be able to. It's really quite bizarre, all the little quirks extreme INFJs have in common. Anyway: ENTPs can be master manipulators, there is a very bizarre attraction between them and INFJs, and this bizarre attraction explains a few things. I'm convinced that Princess Ego Cramp is actually an ENTP (and suspect asshole Tony is as well). The explanation is kind of confusing; I'll try to keep it simple.
In Myers-Briggs, each type theoretically uses four of the eight possible Cognitive Functions; the hierarchy of their use determines one’s type. There are 2 Judging functions (Thinking and Feeling) and 2 Perception functions (iNtuition and Sensation). Then- there are 2 variations of each of those mentioned functions- they either lean toward Introverted or Extraverted. The hierarchy of functions for an INFJ type is typically: strongest is Introverted iNtuition (the dominant function is the one through which all other functions are sort of filtered), then Extraverted Feeling, Introverted Thinking and (weakest) Extraverted Sensation. An abbreviation is commonly used for the functions: Introverted iNtuition is usually referred to as Ni, whereas Extraverted iNtuition is referred to as Ne; the same goes for Feeling [Fe or Fi], Thinking [Te or Ti] and Sensation [Se or Si]. The important thing to understand here is that we all introvert roughly half our functions and extravert the other half; the status of being an introvert or an extravert rests on whether we introvert or extravert our dominant function.
Sometimes people over-extravert or over-introvert their functions. INJs and ENPs seem particularly prone to doing this; iNtuition is our dominant function, and we get addicted to ‘possibilities’. INJs get addicted to internal possibilities (dominant function being Ni): freedom is in the mind, and we over-introvert our functions as a coping mechanism to deal with stress- we like to be able to form as many subjective ‘truths’ as possible while making sense of the external objective world. ENPs get addicted to external possibilities (dominant function being Ne): having consistent internal values places a constriction on all the objective external possibilities they want to experience.
Specifically about INFJs: there’s a tendency to have over-introverted periods of ‘looping’ thoughts. This is when the Thinking function (Ti) is engaged to make sense of what we perceive (from Ni). Since both are introverted functions, it all remains rather obscure and very hard to articulate and share with the external world. Ni typically deconstructs things and Ti tries to reconstruct them in a new way, and it all happens just outside the realm of having an appropriate vocabulary attached; so it gets very confusing when it comes time to articulate it to others. Yet when something heavily upsets us- and we try to rationalize it- this is the very private inside corner of our mind where we retreat to make sense of it all. And if we can’t figure out how to re-incorporate the Fe function (sharing our insight with the external world = extraverting a part of ourselves), then we start to feel completely isolated and alone.
Back to Princess Ego Cramp being ENTP:
The description most often posted about ENTPs seems somewhat misleading- at least for the sake of this asshole Tony & Princess Ego Cramp explanation- so it's not really worth looking up on the usual MBTI type description pages. I’ve gathered, from all the posts made by ENTPs online, that young ENTPs have a bad tendency to: have a strong inclination to ‘conquest’, be extremely manipulative with others to get the external experiences they want in life, and they really don’t have much of a conscious about who they hurt until their 2nd function (Ti) has a chance to congeal. Without a consistent, stable internal set of values- like guidelines- to direct one’s thoughts and consequent behavior, life is in a constant state of perceiving only the immediate possibilities. Opinions- about anything- can completely flip on a whim. This is also true about feelings towards other people: an over-extraverted person can be totally madly in love one second, and in the next breath feel nothing but complete revulsion for the same person. Introverted functions are like value anchors, and without properly developing them- every single feeling is fleeting and fuck loyalty, because life is all about feeling as much pleasant experience as possible right now. [It may as well be noted that I don’t think they realize they hurt people as badly as they do; I think they just don’t realize that other people have feelings that last longer than 5 seconds. To them- I’m pretty sure it’s like ‘bad feelings’ are something that people should always be able to distract themselves from with other brand new shiny feelings, because that’s what they do themselves.]
Princess Ego Cramp tested as an ENFP, but it really makes more sense out of all his behavior if he’s really an ENTP who doesn’t engage Ti (he'd test as an 'F' because of using more Fe than Ti). The second function of the ENFP type is Introverted Feeling- and Princess really used far more Fe than Fi. It’s not really worth going into the difference between Fe and Fi right here, my point is just that Princess almost certainly over-extraverted. His friends had called him “180” for as long as I’d known him, because his opinions and/or feelings about ANYTHING were liable to do a complete 180 degree turn at any given moment. And the descriptions I’ve read of ENTPs over-extraverting sounds FAR more like him than those of ENFPs over-extraverting.
Another reason I think Princess is ENTP (and the reason I suspect asshole Tony was too, and the whole point of why I suspect this info might help you let go of some stuff); ENTPs and INFJs have a bizarre attraction to one another. We’re like flipsides of the same coin. We have clear access to the other’s blind spots. It has something to do with the way we share the same Judging functions (Ti & Fe)- so we share a deep need for profound experience (on account of being N dominants) AND usually understand things in such a similar way that it seems uncanny. The difference between us is that they filter Ti & Fe through Ne (so they can provide us with access to an amazing variety of options in the external world, a common INFJ blindspot); whereas we filter Fe & Ti through Ni (we can imbibe the external world with an amazing arsenal of possible subjective meanings). Ne dominants have a special brand of enthusiam which enthrals us. They see the external possibilities that we sorely crave. And they deeply crave for those possibilities to mean anything (internal possibilities). This explains the relationship Princess and I had to a tee, which is why I think he is ENTP. It feels good to have someone actually instinctively and inadvertently always scratch a spot we can’t reach ourselves: it can feel better sometimes- for an INFJ- to be around an ENTP sociopath than a kind and thoughtful person of any other type.
Why this is good news:
We aren’t masochists for staying with them. INFJs often have too much emotional gravity when left to their own devices to figure things out. We get all like, “we’re doomed!” over something as small as a hangnail, and full up on “oh noes!” far too easily. We don't like that we're high maintenance, but we are. The grocery store runs out of our favorite brand of butter and it's like the end of the world. There’s *something* about an ENTPs presence that we crave: access to a spontaneous, unreserved supply of external possibilities. We crave it the way diabetics need insulin from an outside source, external possibilities are a blind spot for us and we crave it from outside sources.
A good relationship- between an INFJ and an ENTP- is a very mutually beneficial, symbiotic relationship (whether it’s a friendship or more). But getting close to an unhealthy ENTP is toxic because we stay there for the single good thing in which we are deficient; yet we end up putting up with an extraordinary amount of shit for it. We're not the first, we won't be the last: it's not that uncommon a thing for extreme INFJs to do. INFJs don’t like change in their external world, we fight it at every turn. Freedom for us is in the mind, and so we keep our external world as constant as possible in order to put our focus on internal matters. For us: external reality is comprised of, like, 15% present moment and 85% previous experience of a person combined with potential we see in that person. THIS IS WHY- when we find something worthwhile in the external world, once we let someone in- we let them stay there, even when they’re shit. We don’t see the shit for a long time. This is why Princess Ego Cramp is like the demented ferret in the video: I should have gotten rid of him at "holocaust", but kept him around till after the murder. And it’s also why- even after they are no longer in our present environment- it takes so very long for us to clean out everything about them in our heads. It leaves us in that Ni-Ti looping mode, trying to clean all the residual shit out of our head to make sense of it all.
I’m not saying I know for certain asshole Tony was ENTP, but a great deal of what you’d told me about him sounds like it’s entirely possible AND it would make sense out of why you put up with it. I am pretty sure though- from the stories I remember you telling me about him- he sounded like an ENxP type (which means he's Ne dominant); I remember catching a wiff of what I now recognize as ENxP brand of grandeur and flippancy (ie doppelgänger story).
It can totally feel like the world has no use for strange girls who are easily lost when all we have to compare ourselves to are a bunch of super-efficient drones. The only reason we are easily lost in the first place is because there aren’t enough of us (on the extreme end of INFJ) to compare ourselves to. It’s a lot easier to find direction and understand things when everyone around you is an effective reflection of yourself, it’s a privilege that we don’t have. But you’re not a masochist for having been with Tony. Not in my opinion. It’s just unfortunate you got your Ne fix from such an asshole. And from what I've read in the forums by other INFJs, it's not an uncommon INFJ trap.
For what it’s worth- as a side note- INFPs (the current partner) also use Ne, it just isn’t their dominant function. INFPs use: Fi Ne Si Te. I'm guessing he probably doesn't have that same "oh noes!" emotional gravity, right? That's Ne, ftw.